Help Desk Action

I’d heard stories. Stories about really dumb people ringing up helpdesks. Then I found myself on a helpdesk. I was a little skeptical. I had hope in intelligence of other people. Oh, but I was wrong.

This woman rings up and asks if there is something wrong with New Zealand web pages because she can’t get any to load. It turns out that she thinks that if you type in www.(any word) it will go to a page on that subject.

Cut Off

This person of indeterminate gender calls and complains that I cut him/her off in the middle of a download. Oh, like I am sitting there and I cut that person off because… um… I explained that it could have been a problem with the analogue telephone system. The response: “But it’s not fair….” Oh boo hoo.

And then…

This angry sounding chick calls the helpdesk. She’s got a new account, has managed to get connected… but, “um, where’s the internet”. Using my supreme technical skills I was able to solve the problem by getting her to run Internet Explorer.


A woman rang wanting to know where the key that looked like an a with a circle around it was. After telling her that the @ was called “at”, I told her that it could be found by pressing shift+2. For some reason, that key wasn’t on her keyboard.

Secret Code

A really confused sounding woman asked, “The password is the secret letters thing, isn’t it?” But by that she meant her user name. Top secret.

Porno Guy I

A guy rang up. He gave his log-in name as the ISP’s homepage. Then he said that he’d heard that there was lots of pornography on the internet. I told him to use search engines, but if I’d been thinking, I would have referred him to


And the cool chick who got an error message saying “illegal operation” and wanted to know if that meant her account would get closed or if the police would know about it.


“Could I have your name?”
“The name of what?”

Garth Brooks

This guy calls up and starts rambling about country music and various shite. I managed to get what he wanted, which was a friend of his had written a country song and wanted to give it to Garth Brooks, “It would be a big hit for him”. He had heard about how there are all these celebrities on this “internet” thing and he wanted to contact Garth. I told him I had no idea how to contact Garth Brooks. He sounded somewhat disappointed.

Porno Guy II

A pervy old man type person calls up and said he’s heard that “they” were cracking down on people who were “downloading files”. What he mean was pornos. I assured him that it was only illegal pornos, not the lovely ladies he was into. He sounded quite relieved.


Somehow Eudora becomes pronounced as “Endora” and Trumpet Winsock becomes “Winstock”. Another neat trick, “Open Eudora.” “Open my door?”

S For…?

I was having trouble hearing a person spelling their user name, so I was going through the letters with the alpha-bravo-charlie-delta alphabet. I said, “is it s for sierra”? The guy goes “No, that’s wrong. It’s S for Smith”.

Wrong Number

A guy rang up needing help installing a start-up CD for another ISP. And then a woman rang wanting to pay her phone bill. Then a guy called wanting to order a some computer games.

After about six weeks of this I finally got out and into a job in the accounts department. I was on the verge of turning into a egomaniacal helpdesk bitch, with nothing but contempt with everyone who called. But I’m ok now.

I should also mention that there were some pretty cool people who called and I only got majorly yelled at a couple of times.

It’s fun.

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