Flat and Warm

“You’re just jealous cos you never got one.”

Oh yeah. That’s right. I want a Soda, that’s why I have an “I want a Soda” badge on my page. In fact, that’s why this page is up in the first place. I am hoping that Rus and Dave will look at it and think to themselves, “Goodness! She is “saying” some rather “unfresh” things about “us”. Let’s give her an award!!!!”

Yeah. Yeah, I can see it working out that way.

And anyway, they claim to have run out of ideas so they stopped doing it.

There’s this 5-times-a-week New Zealand page awards site called Soda. It’s dodgy.

I was having a perv through its archive and found one week’s theme was “grrls”. Not grrrls, not girls, but the curious hybrid “grrls”.

Monday’s winner was Princess Diana, because she’d just died the day before. Soda describe Princess Diana as “possibly the most famous “girl” of them all.”

I’m thinking maybe she was actually a “woman” rather than a “girl”.

Tuesday’s winner was Xtra’s “Stuff for Chicks”. An Xtra site gets a Soda. Gee. How rare. As a testament to Soda’s savvy for picking winners, the “Stuff for Chicks” site is no longer up.

The winner on Wednesday is Girls’ Brigade. Not Grrls Brigade. Their site behaves like a good Soda site should and is very non-threatening. Soda claims that it “contains many of the subtle tricks that we have been promoting through SODA.” Right-o, lads.

On Thursday the winner was “Jacqui’s Journey”. About a woman who rode the length of a country on a horse. Enough said, I think.

And finally Friday’s winner was “Webgrrls Aotearoa”. Excuse me while I hammer a sign to my forehead that says “Look at me! I’m a female!” Soda says, “We’d like to see the membership increase and the site become an even greater resource – why not drop in and have a look yourself… ” Damn. It didn’t happen.

Anyway, I happened to mention this all on the Aardvark forums, and I received an e-mail from Rus, one of the two Soda guys, that included this:

Oh – actually – maybe you can name five sites for a “decent” SODA theme about wimmin in NZ?

Just let us know….

Dripping with sarcasm. Challenging me. Like if he, the editor of a daily awards site can’t pick five decent sites, then what hope do I have? And what the hell is he on about with “wimmin”? Is that like “grrls”? And why put the word decent in quotes?

So I gave him eleven sites. They weren’t all classy. I kind of threw in a few sucky ones as a quality control measure.

Then about a month later it was “Attitude” week on Soda. Attitude week? I’ve given up trying to understand what that means.

But anyway, all five sites were from my list. Wow. I really can pick ’em.

Here are annotated excerpts from the week’s reviews.

Design is “fresh” – that’s “design of the site” not a reflection on the contributors.

Again, what is happening with all these quotation marks? Is “fresh” in quotes so we don’t mistakenly think he means a web site that’s been recently harvested from a garden?

I really dislike having to turn my head to read a line of text running across the entire screen width.

And they say the Internet causes people to be less physically active.

Having voyeuristic tendencies will probably increase the enjoyment factor.

And having masochistic tendencies will definitely increase the enjoyment factor of viewing Soda.

Graphics are – um – interesting to look at – and do load in your browser.

Graphics that load in your browser? And this would be opposed to graphics that load in your microwave oven or in your washing machine?

I could go on. I’d really like to, but I feel that Soda’s really gone and dug its own hole way better than I ever could.

A fitting conclusion to attitude week.

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