From the September 1999 Ihug News Injection:

“Ihug’s new Computer Store is online and pumping with deals akimbo!”

Akimbo? Since when did akimbo mean galore (or as the French say, a go go)? According to Webster’s online dictionary, akimbo has two meanings:

1. having the hand on the hip and the elbow turned outward
2. set in a bent position [a tailor sitting with legs akimbo]

Oh, the implications! The Ihug computer store has its legs apart? And pumping with its legs apart? Good lord!

I was watching Ground Zero (only because I was waiting for a live performance from Trucker, the last remaining hope for Hamiltron rock). Unfortunately Trucker wasn’t on till right at the end, so I had to endure a number of unfortunate incidents including a promotional item about Carlos Santana’s new album. It features collaborations with Everlast, Wyclef Jean, Eagle Eye Cherry, Dave Matthews and the guy from Matchbox 20. Excuse me while I hurriedly rush out to my local music store and buy several copies.

I had scribbled “Globally exciting herbs and spices” on a page of my notebook. I have no idea what it refers to, but it came from somewhere. Hell, perhaps?

V, the beverage of choice of people who spend too much time in front of their computers, has the following written on its can, “Recommended daily dose of up to 5 cans per day.” That is so wrong. The word “dose” is used, suggesting it is a medicine. Good for what ails you. Not only that, but does the world really need another hyperactive ADD computer geek with bad skin? Answer = no.

From a bible I was looking at in a book shop:

“If this bible should provide unsatisfactory due to manufacturing defects, it may be returned for free replacement within one (1) year of date of purchase”

I like how the dissatisfaction can only be “due to manufacturing defects”. They’re covering their arses so people can’t demand a refund if they don’t find God.

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