Meet-Cute

So imagine there’s this movie, and a girl is in a bookstore looking through a book, and a a guy comes over to her and strikes up a conversation, they start chatting and hey, it’s a classic movie meet-cute! Real life is never that cute, as I found out today.

I was in Whitcoulls on Queen Street browsing around. I had wandered over to a section of books and picked up one that looked interesting and started flicking through it. I’d only read a few pages when a man walked over and said something that sounded like, “are you heerrthy?”

I wasn’t sure what that meant, so figuring I’d misheard him, I said “pardon?” He again said “are you heerrthy?” and again I was clueless to what he was asking so I said, “I’m sorry?”. He then said, “Well you are in the Health section, so you must be healthy.” I looked up. Indeed, I was standing under a sign proclaiming “HEALTH”. I said, “Oh, right,” put the book down, then walked away.

What the hell was that all about? That’s the kind of lame forced conversation that normally takes place between people stuck in awkward situations. Like at my old job where one morning a courier who was waiting for the lift at the same time as me said “It looks like the lift’s got Monday-itis”. The kind of situation where a little non-conversation breaks the silence.

But this was large bookstore. There was absolutely no need for him to talk about nonsensical shit with a complete stranger.

If I’d thought about it, if the whole bizarre situation hadn’t caught me off-guard, I might have responded with something vaguely choice like “Well, I’m as healthy as I can be for someone with the herpes virus.” It’s true in that the virus that causes glandular fever is part of the herpes family.

But what was going through his mind when he said it? Was it some kind of a bad pick-up line? Maybe he was planning on working in about how when he gets that feeling, baby, he needs sexual healing?

If it was meant to be a pick-up line it backfired abysmally. Not only was he a rather unattractive fellow, his inability to speak clearly, and his general creepiness put me beyond Shania mode and did not impress me at all, let alone much.

Regardless of his motives, the whole experience creeped me out and I quickly left the store. If my life were a movie that may have been a classic meet-cute, but in real life it’s just stupid.

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