Groove and tongue

Yesterday I went into a cafe and ordered a latte. While I was waiting for it to be made, the barista mentioned that he was now the bass player in my new favourite band. Apparently there was a big bust-up and walkouts, but the magical triangle has been rebuilt and the coolness will continue. Um, so that’s some non-specific showbiz gossip.

Next topic. Remember this dialogue from Pulp Fiction?

Vincent: I’m curious, why would you get a stud in your tongue?
Jody: It’s a sex thing. It helps fellatio.

Ok, so when Pulp Fiction was released tongue piercings were still a fairly fringe thing, but they rapidly became really common. And tied in with it was that line from Pulp Fiction that equated a tongue piercing with a blow job.

A friend of mine was telling me about a 14 year old chick he knows who got her tongue pierced. He said she reckons she got it done to help fellatio, but all the evidence points to her being totally inexperienced in the fellatial arts.

But here’s the thing: having a pierced tongue will not make you good at performing oral sex. If you are bad at blowjobs, having a little metal ball in the middle of your tongue will not make a difference.

Oh, and check this out:

Girl: Hey baby, can I fellate you?
Guy: Do you have a pierced tongue?
Girl: No.
Guy: Sorry, I’m not interested.

That’s never going to happen. Ever.

The time when having a pierced tongue will improve oral sex is when the man and woman have been together for so long that they’re getting bored. He’s tired of the same old fellatio and craves a little variety. A little metal ball may provide that variety. So I guess that makes a pierced tongue the symbol of a last-ditch attempt to spice up a fading sex life. Wow, that’s hot.

If you want to get your tongue pierced because you think it looks cool, then go for it. But don’t pretend that it’s a blowjob enhancer.

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