Unhealthy Activities

I’m feeling a bit sick. I think I’ve got a bad cold. I feel all achy, I have a runny nose, and just generally feel ill.

My mother would advise me to do what her mother advised her. Take a hot bath up to your neck, have a lemon-honey drink (the juice of a lemon, a spoonful of honey topped with hot water), then hop into bed and get a good night’s sleep.

But this is what I did.

First the pillz. I went to a chemist and got some of those day/night cold/flu pillz. The ones with pseudoephedrine hydrochloride in them. This was my first purchase of this type of medication since the P epidemic (or whatever it is) hit the media, so I had to fill out a form giving my name and address and show my driver’s license.

Next I went to the supermarket and got some of those vitamin pillz with stuff like vitamin C, garlic, echanacia and zinc, which is supposed to help with colds. I also got chicken soup.

Then I saw a movie. This is not usually part of my traditional cold/flu remedy, but I was in the neighbourhood, so why not. I saw “Auto Focus” which is the story of Bob Crane, who is probably best known for playing Hogan in “Hogan’s Heroes”. He hooked up with a guy called John Carpenter who was a video enthusiast, back in the day with reel-to-reel video tape recorders were new. Crane developed a taste for naked ladies, especially photographing and videoing them. After his TV series ended he found it was difficult getting work because his seedy private life and family-orientated public image were clashing. Then someone killed him (this is not a spoiler). It was an interesting story, tragic, but also unexpectedly moral.

I was going to spend a quiet night on the couch, but after seeing the item on “Sunday” about the Incredible Film Festival and the censorship wrangles, I decided to see “Ken Park”. It’s banned in Australia, you know.

“Ken Park” is about five teenagers. At first their lives and their parents seem a little twisted, but then things get really, really twisted. There was heaps of nervous laughter from the audience. And people laughed at things like a pregnant woman smoking, or some guys drink driving. Yes, check my generation out. We pity the poor white trash people who don’t know any better.

This next section discusses cinematic masturbation in graphic detail. Reader discretion is advised.

There’s one magnificent scene where one of the characters masturbates while listening to Anna Kournikova (I think) grunting as she plays a tennis match on TV. It’s not a typical Hollywood masturbation scene where a hand moves under some sheets. This one is (I think) real. There it is. A guy sitting on his bedroom floor rubbing his erect penis. There were close-ups which caused the guy sitting next to be to let out a cry of disgust and turn his head in my direction (which I suppose I could take as a compliment) every time. Then the masturbator ejaculated which was shown and caused even more of an audience reaction. Then, in a truly magnificent shot, there was the wilting penis with a great big gooey glob of semen dangling from it.

I didn’t find it disgusting or funny. I thought it was beautiful in its own way. I’m not sure why. I mean, it’s not like I’m often exposed to such things in either real life or in porn. Like, generally speaking I’m more interested in things like who was going to win American Idol than male masturbation. I guess from a biological viewpoint, if women are grossed out and disgusted by penises and semen, well, the human race is doomed. Hey, maybe most of the grossing out was from guys?

The WBC were playing at the King’s Arms with 4 Man Bob. I was too late for 4 Man Bob, but I managed to see about two thirds of the w00da’s set. st00 had borrowed a guitar from 4 Man Bob – it was one of those rockstar shaped ones – and his big arse solo during “Unhealthy Activity” was so delicious. God bless ’em.

So that’s been about a day’s worth of unhealthy activities that certainly haven’t left me feeling any less sick. I think a warm bed and a good night’s sleep might be in order now.

Leave a Reply