There’s an infomercial on and one of the pieces of shit being advertised is a juicer. The hyperactive chef demonstrates how you can put an apple in, juice it, then pour the juice back into the hollowed out apple and drink from it.

That got me thinking: In what situation would it actually be possible to drink apple juice from a hollowed out apple and not feel like a complete asshat?

After much contemplating and extensive scientific research, I have concluded that it would only be possible to drink apple juice out of an apple if the apple also contained either a) vodka or b) tequila. And preferably more booze than apple juice.

That turns it from fruity into fruit-o-licious.

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