Newcastle 2

Righto, yesterday I went on the Magical Mystery Writing Tour. It was a short journey on the ferry across the harbour to the suburb of Stockton. The idea was that everyone would write stuff on the ferry and read it out on the other side, but the ferry ride was so short that really only haikus could be written well. I furiously concocted the following verse:

Ahoy
Welcome to the ferry.
The neglected mode of public transport.
Punkster, zinester, scenesters forget to include ferry rides to the other side.
How hip is it to be stuck behind a lady with a poodle perm?
Or to be near that fat man with the baseball cap?
Now I’ve experienced the ferry and I can only hope that on the return journey we will be invaded by pirates.
Harrrr!

Then I toodled off to the sex panel. There’s always a panel on sex. One of the speakers on this year’s panel wore a giant red dildo around her neck. She had it perched above her boobs, and when she laughed the dildo wobbled. At one stage she said, “I think I’m a bit of an exhibitionist.” The point was made that there are more terms for sexual things that men can have done to them than women have. A man can say “teabag me” while a woman often just has to literally describe what she wants done. Also, now instead of saying wet or wetness, we call it sass.

Oh, there was an MC battle last night. MC battles are really just very cool theatresports. It’s not all that far removed from the dorky songs they make up on “Whose line is it anyway?” So a bunch of MC battled it out. There were no entry restrictions, so people such as a bearded hippy going by the name of MC Donalds was up against a really good MC. There were two girls in the battle. Nurse Pussy (who was ok, but not great) and Karly (who was pretty good). Karly had the advantage of being a hot chick, so many of the guys she was up against were paralysed by her hotness and didn’t perform as well as they had.

Then I went to Harry’s Cafe de Wheels and got a vege pie with mashed potato, mushy peas and gravy. It’s worth going to Newcastle (or Sydney) for the Harry’s pie experience.

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