Hello. It’s Noel from the Golden Egg Commission.

I was walking to work today and I saw a $20 note on the footpath. I picked it up, but it’s weird – I don’t know what to do with it.

A few years a ago I found a $50 note and ended up getting bad burritos from a bad Mexican restaurant. But now, having avidly watched “An Insider’s Guide To Happiness,” I know that, like, there must be a deeper cosmic significance to it.

Cosmically significant things I could do with it.

  • Give it to charity.
  • Advertise it as missing (“Green, has portrait of monarch on front”).
  • Spend it on coffee and muffins.
  • Hand it into the building outside which I found it. (Oh, did I mention it was outside the headquarters of a large bank?)
  • Give it to the NO MONEY NO BENEFIT guy who is always begging on Victoria Street.
  • Buy a Golden Egg ticket, er, I mean a Lotto ticket.
  • Hand it into a police station and be arrested for attempting to bribe a police.
  • Put it back where I found it.
  • Bet it on a horsie.
  • Deposit it in my bank account.

As you may guess, I am racked with indecision. I haven’t even put it in my wallet because that would be oppressing it by claiming ownership of it.

I think this is a karma coma.

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