A One-Act Play
The play is set in a second-hand shop in a small New Zealand coastal town. It’s a long weekend, so the town is full of visitors. One such visitor is MAN. He has come into the second-hand shop and has spotted an item he wishes to purchase (a driftwood sculpture clock, if you must know). He is attempting to negotiate a price with the shop LADY, but first he must run the gauntlet of conversation with her.
MAN: Hey, um, how much would that driftwood clock be?
LADY: Oh, that’s a nice one.
MAN: Yes, I like it.
LADY: Hey, you remind me of someone.
MAN: Oh yeah?
LADY: Who is it?
MAN: I dunno.
LADY: Oh, it’s that fulla from that TV show.
MAN: Well, I’m not on a TV show.
LADY: Jim! That Jim who’s on that TV show where they fix up people’s gardens.
MAN: Oh, really? I don’t think I’ve seen that one.
LADY: Now, what’s his last name?
MAN: I dunno.
LADY: He’s married to that Mary lady.
MAN: Well, I’m married to Sharon, so it’s not me.
LADY: Oh well. I just thought you might have known.
LADY: We get all sorts of famous people in here. A couple of weeks ago we had that, ah, that Dom – Dom from New Zealand Idol.
MAN: Oh, is he the runner-up?
LADY: No, no, Dominic. He was the compere. He was in here.
MAN: That runner-up – he’s doing quite well.
LADY: Oh chroo, chroo.
MAN: Yeah, I was surprised he didn’t win.
LADY: Now, is he a Maori or an Islander?
LADY: I saw him on TV, but he hasn’t been in here.
MAN: So, how much did you say that clock was?
LADY: Oh, that’s not for sale.