I went to Raglan for a week and a bit and spent much of that time watching the Hurricane Katrina coverage on CNN. I returned to Auckland today and was delighted to find six (6) of the Exclusive Brethren election pamphlets waiting in my mail slot. They are:

Vague attacks on the Green Party, including the chilling revelation that the Greens allegedly want to “teach criminals “art”. The only solution to this so-called delusion is to change the government.

Resplendent in yellow and blue, it says that “lower taxes will return money to hard-working Kiwi battlers where it belongs,” and chillingly warns, “Every year thousands of New Zealanders leave for a better life in Australia!”

Printed in sombre tones of blue, it disses Labour’s chilling health statistics then says that “a government that really care for you … will eliminate unacceptable waiting lists.”

Again gaily printed in yellow and blue, this one informs that a chilling 30% of tax is “needlessly swelling the Government coffers.” It thoughtfully provides a list of things you could spent your tax cut on, including “Caribbean cruise”, “dine out twice a week”, “shout yourself some new clothes,” and if your greedstravaganza comes to an end, “maybe done to a charity of your choice.”

On the red side, it chillingly contrasts pairs of unrelated statistics, for example, $4 million for victim support versus $84 for legal aid. The flipside promises that the blue government will “restore a sense of security to the people,” among other things.

Taking specific aim at hospital waiting times, it chillingly reveals at one person has had to wait for over eight years for something. In an inspirational message of hope, it advises, “If you are waiting for heart surgery, a cataract operation, knee surgery, hip operation or any other medical treatment or just waiting to see the specialist… DON’T GIVE UP!”

I shall be keeping these to pass on to my grandchildren and/or auction them on Trade Me.

2 thoughts on “Exclusive”

  1. Almost two years later it may be appropriate to comment on the Exclusive Brethren’s preditcions (in order):
    1. The damned Green party are teaching criminals art! I saw on the news the other night, the prisoners get tuition and supplies and exhibitions. And they get to keep half the sale money! The Green Party is merely encouragining oppressed office workers to kill their most hated workmate.

    2. Every year thousands of Kiwis are leaving for Australia. Even with all the droughts it’s still a better option. Fortunately Labour is leaving vast amounts of taxes sitting in the bank to pay for all the extra infrastructure required in case of tens of thousands of ex-pats returning.

    3. Labour eliminated the waiting lists, by the simple technique of not allowing anybody to be on the list.

    4. Hard to argue with this one. After saving for a rainy day that never came the government now has so much money that it can’t use it without causing economic collapse.

    5. The government is trying to get more cops, and to wean the cops we already have off the internet porn and sexual assault. There is also a new scheme about to be announce ‘Fight Fire With Fire’ – illiterate cops will tackle illiterate crims, because “We no how dey fink”.

    6. The long waiting lists are actually a purposeful diversionary tactic. Currently it’s to your benefit to not be in hospital as you’d probably get your foot chopped off as a cure for the flu or something. Wait until they’ve had some pratice to get it right, 8 years should be enough.

    Well, the Exclusive Brethren was right, don’t we all look foolish now? I wonder how you join?

  2. If you wanna join the ex-bros, just start drinking heavily, put your missus in a head scarf, and don’t talk to anyone else.

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