No good advice

At a moment, a search on Google for “how to please your man” brings up one of my old webpages as the fifth result. It’s also showing up all over my web site stats and is the most visited page.

The page itself is sort of a parody of a typical relationship article in a women’s magazine, complete with pseudonymous case studies and experts who just happen have written a book on the subject.

So it seems that women are ending up at this page looking for advice, but even after reading the article, things are still troubled. And lately I’ve received two emails seeking more advice.

Mary Kate* writes:

I have been married four years. We have stopped having sex. It has been a year and a half. I have tried “you can stick it anywhere” and I’ve even ask him what he would like. All I get is “I’m tired.” So tell me something new to try, please. I’ve even tried the open marriage thing.

And Ashley writes:

My guy is 12 years younger than I with a very large pennis and he does not cum during sex. What can I do to please him or his he just not sexually attracted to me and yes I have tried oral sex, we are really great together and want to be together. He thinks that his job is to only please me not to be pleased. Tell me what can I do?

My advice-giving capabilities are just limited to the Dan Savage-ism, DTMFA, so I thought I’d throw this open to the interwebs.

So, guys, what advice should I offer Mary-Kate and Ashley?

* Some names have been changed.

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