Today at work I had to search for two things on Google that would, in most workplaces, trigger various alarms and may even require a sit-down meeting with management to discuss inappropriate interweb use.

First, I had to figure out how to spell cockring. Now, if you look up cockring in the Shorter Oxford Dictionary, you won’t find it, so this requires heading to the internet to figure out how it’s generally spelt by the people who do use it.

So I Googled cockring, cock-ring and cock ring. In the end I settled for cockring, although I didn’t feel wholly comfortable with that and perhaps I should have gone for cock ring.

Then later I needed to check the spelling of Robert Mapplethorpe’s name. I Googled it, and along the top of the results page were three images from Google Images, including one called “Lou, N.Y.C”- a Mappelthorpe photo. It depicts a bloke – Lou presumedly – with his little fingertip inserted in his urethra. Eeeeeeeee!

Because both these searches were totally work-related, it’s OK for me to do it, but I wonder if somewhere there’s some silent interweb alarm that has been triggered, profiling me as a gay man who is abusing his internet privileges.

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