Facebook, which is awesome, has a function that lets you buy a “gift” for another user. Gifts are cute little icons and they cost one American dollar.
I’ve been having fun spending my hard-earned money on them, and I’ve become quite familiar with the available gift icons. So I came up with a list of my 10 favourite icons on the Facebook gifts.
(Non Facebook users can look away now, or alternatively read social-network expert Danah Boyd’s thoughts on Facebook gifts.)
One of my workmates recently brought a really nice cupcake as a thank you for her team leader. Cupcakes are the best little gifty thing ever so it makes sense that Facebook would have cyber cupcake gifts. But here’s the thing – you can’t at a Facebook cupcake. It is but a hollow promise of the real thing.
I really like the idea that at least one person has gifted their sweetie a Facebook engagement ring and nervously composed a message to go with it. (ur my life i <3 u will u b my wife????) But the diamond on the Facebook ring is gigantic, which sets up an expectation that is sure to disappoint the ring-having fiancee.
Two champagne glasses clinking
This one is so awesome. It’s not just two glasses of bubbly, but two glasses clinking together like something out of a hip-hop music video. “Girl, I will buy you champagne and treat u like a lady in the way in which you will be accustomed to bcuz ur my princess.”
The ‘cuffs serve a dual purpose. If you have a Facebook friend who is a law enforcement official, you can send him a pair to show your appreciation for his hard work. And also if your have a Facebook friend who is a teenager who has a passing knowledge but no experience of sexual bondage, you can send her handcuffs for a laugh.
See PIRATE SKULL WITH EYEPATCH AND HEADSCARF
There’s a full shotglass, but this one is far more interesting. See, it’s an empty vessel. If you gift this to someone, you are saying, “I am empty inside. I need you to fill me up.” If a woman sends you this, she is likely desperate to have babies. If a man sends you this, he wants to have drunken sex0rs with you.
OMG! Everyone loves pandas! They are so cute with their white bits and their blacks bits and their roly-poly furry bits! I love pandas! I want a pet panda. I will call him Mr Xiu-Xiu and we will play in the garden and have tea together!
Pirate skull with eyepatch and headscarf
Red plastic cup
This is the kind you see in American college comedies where the students are having a “kegger” party which involves drinking beer in red plastic cups, and lots of yelling and general hilarious debauchery. This would be a good Facebook gift to give someone if you wanted to give them a booze-related gift, but didn’t want their profile to be sullied by an obviously booze-related icon.
Another double meaning gift. A lei can either represent flowery, tropical loveliness, with pretty colours and golden sunsets, or you can make a pun about “getting lei’d”.
Blue vodka jelly shot
You could get into trouble with this icon. If you sent it to a wild young student person, they would go, “A blue vodka jelly shot! All right!” But if you gave it yo your mum, she would go, “Is this a cup of Mr Muscle window cleaner? I don’t understand. Do you want me to come over and clean your windows? I really think you’re old enough to do your own cleaning.”