I was thinking about Easter Sunday, and how most of the shops are shut and there’s nothing much to do. And I wondered what I’d done on previous Easter Sundays.
So invoking the Official Information Act, I pulled out my box of old diaries from under my bed and googled them with my eyes, to bring you this exclusive report, starting in 1992 when I was 18:
Things I have done on previous Easter Sundays
1992: Crank-called that lady with the eyebrows; went to Auckland Zoo.
1993: Totally sick of my parents treating me like a child! Watched “Clue” on video.
1994: Felt a bit sick.
1995: Drove back from Lang’s Beach. Watched “Say Anything” on video.
1996: Vowed to save logs from IRC to create a “cyber My Secret Garden”.
1997: Saw “Jerry Maguire” at the movies. Thought it was ok but not as great as the hype suggested.
1998: Hung out with a fellow sporting George Michael facial hair (gay!), listened to Gene Pitney (gay!) and the Verlaines (not gay).
1999: Ate burgers at Milford Beach with a nice boy.
2000: Slept for most of the day. Wondered what hot yoghurt would taste like.
2001: Had a really bad bagel.
2002: Wondered if it was ethical to only hang out with someone when he was drunk because he was more fun drunk than when he was sober; embroidered.
2003: Read Andrew Dean’s review of the previous night’s Sly and Robbie concert – like a 2 1/2 hour blowjob, he reckoned.
2004: Was plagued by sneezing, but couldn’t get any antihistamines or aloe vera tissues as the shops were shut.
2005: Saw “I Heart Huckerbees”. Liked that bit in the mud with Schwartzman.
2006: Came up with a concept for a television programme: Bargain Cunt, where wankers buy second homes, building their cunting property investment portfolios. Discovered someone else had already thought of it, sans swearing.
2007: Thought I’d discovered a fixed outcome of a popular reality TV show, only to discover it was just a dummy script.
2008: Did some packing. Took my postcards down from the lounge room wall.
2009: Watched the Doctor Who special. Noted that Wellington on Easter Sunday felt like Hamilton on any Sunday in the ’80s. Wanted to watch “Say Anything” but the iTunes Store didn’t have it, so I watched “Tropic Thunder” instead.
The only conclusion I can make from the above is that Easter Sunday brings out an urge in me to watch Cameron Crowe films.