From the September 1999 Ihug News Injection:
“Ihug’s new Computer Store is online and pumping with deals akimbo!”
Akimbo? Since when did akimbo mean galore (or as the French say, a go go)? According to Webster’s online dictionary, akimbo has two meanings:
1. having the hand on the hip and the elbow turned outward
2. set in a bent position [a tailor sitting with legs akimbo]
Oh, the implications! The Ihug computer store has its legs apart? And pumping with its legs apart? Good lord!
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I was watching Ground Zero (only because I was waiting for a live performance from Trucker, the last remaining hope for Hamiltron rock). Unfortunately Trucker wasn’t on till right at the end, so I had to endure a number of unfortunate incidents including a promotional item about Carlos Santana’s new album. It features collaborations with Everlast, Wyclef Jean, Eagle Eye Cherry, Dave Matthews and the guy from Matchbox 20. Excuse me while I hurriedly rush out to my local music store and buy several copies.
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I had scribbled “Globally exciting herbs and spices” on a page of my notebook. I have no idea what it refers to, but it came from somewhere. Hell, perhaps?
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V, the beverage of choice of people who spend too much time in front of their computers, has the following written on its can, “Recommended daily dose of up to 5 cans per day.” That is so wrong. The word “dose” is used, suggesting it is a medicine. Good for what ails you. Not only that, but does the world really need another hyperactive ADD computer geek with bad skin? Answer = no.
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From a bible I was looking at in a book shop:
“If this bible should provide unsatisfactory due to manufacturing defects, it may be returned for free replacement within one (1) year of date of purchase”
I like how the dissatisfaction can only be “due to manufacturing defects”. They’re covering their arses so people can’t demand a refund if they don’t find God.