To: Me

Potential New Years Resolution:
Avoid anything that claims to be “wildberry” flavour. What is wildberry? It’s just made up, innit?

I’ve done all my Christmas shopping (oh thank God). I went to Real Groovy today and got the last of my required CD purchases. I also picked up another Specials CD ($7! Cheap!). This one had some Fun Boy Three tracks, including “Our Lips Are Sealed”, which is really exciting for an Go-Go’s fan like me.

Actually shopping in Real Groovy was really enjoyable. Other shops try to get all seasonal with their Christmas songs (There don’t seem to be as many carols now. It’s probably so all the balding IT manager atheist-since-university losers don’t get offended), but Real Groovy had some a live version of “Bleed American” blasting. Instead of a bunch of shitty shoppers, hating every minute of it, everyone there seemed to be relaxed and enjoying themselves.

Oh yeah, Teh Flatmate showed me his new undies today. He pulled down his new jeans and shook his booty. I laughed merrily.

Hey: the new Dubious Bros video for the song “Trade Secrets”. They start off in the car park next to the Monkton Trust building on Rostrevor Street, then hoon across the Humpty Dumpty bridge, then down Victoria Street, then end up down by the river and on board the Waipa Delta. Are they really Hamilton locals, cos that’s not really the most direct route? Never the less, I never saw any gangstas in jeeps during the 22 years I lived in Hammo.


I realised that I hadn’t done any Christmas shopping so I jumped in my bitchmobile and journeyed over to the Glenfield Mall. I was supposed to get the “Buena Vista Social Club” on video for my dad but instead I got it on DVD.

I managed to find it hidden away in the DVD section of some shop. It’s all such a blur that I can’t even remember what shop it was. I guess I should mention that my parents don’t actually have a DVD player but:

a) DVDs players just get cheaper and cheaper
b) They can bloody well afford one
c) Who buys video cassettes anymore?
d) Better sooner than later, y’know.

I was feeling disgusted with the whole situation, so when I bought the DVD I also grabbed the new System of a Down CD for myself. It’s at times like this that I wish those dorky non-gift vouchers (“FREE HUGS!!!”) were actually a legitimate gift option and would not result in me being ostracised by my whanau.

So I was still looking for this damn CD for my mum. I went to St Lukes, and that was a big mistake. I got there just after 9 pm (the normal closing time), but because it was open till midnight the place was packed. It was so horrible. It was just full of whinging, complaining, hot, sweaty family groups.

“What should we get for Brian?”
“Well he’s your brother.”

There was this very boring looking couple who became separated on the escalator and panicked at being about a metre apart. As soon as they reached the bottom, the man’s hand took its rightful place in the back pocket of the woman’s high-waisted jeans with a stripy t-shirt tucked into them.

I found a The Specials CD for $10, which kind of compensated for the masses.

But I’ve still got one item left. I think I might have to drag myself along to The Warehouse and trawl through the classical music bins. Dammit, why can’t my parents be into Ja Rule or Blindspott. It would make things so much easier.