The rain in Epsom falls mainly on the polling booth

NB: Until 7pm it is “a criminal offence to distribute or broadcast any statement that is likely to influence a voter as to the candidate or party the voter should or shouldn’t vote for, or which influences people to abstain from voting,” so I’ve taken out certain names in order to comply with this law.

This morning I heard my neighbour talking on the phone. He was convinced he was in the Epsom electorate (and as far as I know, the electorate boundary doesn’t go between my flat and his), but when he went to vote, they informed him he was actually in the “Town” electorate, by which I guess he means Auckland Central.

He had been really looking forward to voting for the [redacted] party’s last chance, [redacted], but realising he was in Town, he had to instead vote for [redacted], the [redacted] candidate, and also gave [redacted] his party vote. Because he didn’t give [redacted] his party vote, it makes me think he maybe just wanted [redacted] as his local MP.

Gleefully clutching my EasyVote card, with Epsom in bold type, I braved the torrential Mt Eden traffic and made my way over to the church hall across the road.

A cheerful fellow took my EasyVote card, crossed my name off the electoral roll and issued me with a voting paper. To the left of him was a confused looking fellow wearing a red shirt who was a scrutineer for [redacted], while on the right was a really dour-faced woman who was a scrutineer for [redacted].

I took my voting paper behind the cardboard booth and first made my electorate vote. I voted for [redacted], the [redacted] candidate. It felt a little strange to do so, but truth be told, it’s not the first time I’ve voted for [redacted].

Then I had trouble deciding what party to vote for. I was all hyped up and couldn’t even remember which ones I had narrowed it down to. I stared at the voting paper. Slowly my memory came back. It was down to two parties, [redacted] and [redacted]. I couldn’t decide. I doodled on the booth. I got sick of standing and thinking. I realised there was no one I was completely hot for, so I picked [redacted] because it seemed like the best choice.

On the way out an old lady standing by the door said, “Here you go,” and her arm shot out as if she was about to grab my boob. She had a sticker on one finger that said, “Yes[sic] I’ve voted”. I didn’t want her feeling me up in the name of stickering, so I quickly picked the sticker off her finger and stuck it to my top.


If you live in Auckland, I heartily recommend tuning to Elect!, Triangle TV‘s election night coverage from 9.30pm tonight. It’s hosted by Ryan with some behind-the-scenes stuff from Dylan and James, all of whom were part of the team behind “The Sceptre of Macguffin” and “Fruits of Passion” so you know it’s going to be good.