In which robYn channels her inner kanYe.

Famous hip hop star and slatted-sunglasses-wearer Kanye West has a blog where he notoriously writes in all-caps and in a particular rambling style. As Mr West is the dopeness, I have decided to now write in this style in order to make my “blog” more attractive to the lucrative 18 to 35 youth demographic.

THERE HAVE BEEN MANY ACCUSATIONS MADE AGAINST ME BY THE MEDIA AND BY HATERS… PEOPLE WHO LIVE TO PUT OTHERS DOWN. MY INTERNET WAS HACKED. THEY HACKED MY TWITTER AND MY FACEBOOK AND MY GMAIL AND EVEN THAT GEOCITIES ACCOUNT I HADN’T USED SINCE 1996. BECAUSE OF THIS THE MEDIA HAVE BEEN SAYING THINGS ABOUT ME THAT AREN’T TRUE. THINGS LIKE… THAT I WILL BE MAKING A BISEXUAL PORNOGRAPHIC VIEWMASTER REEL… THAT I WAS DRUNK WHEN I WENT TO THE COMMUNITY PANEL MEETING AND MADE A JOKE ABOUT BEING MOLESTED BY A CATHOLIC PRIEST THAT NO ONE LAUGHED AT… THAT I HAVE ISSUES WITH MONOGAMY… THAT THE SHOES I DESIGNED FOR LOUIS VUITTON ARE JUST A PAIR OF CHUCKS THAT I PAINTED RED WITH LEFTOVER CHRISTMAS SPRAY. ACTUALLY ONE OF THOSE THINGS IS TRUE BUT I WILL NOT REVEAL WHICH TO THE HATERS. NEEDLESS TO SAY THAT THOSE WHO ARE MY FRIENDS AND WHO KNOW ME.. WILL KNOW. PERHAPS I WILL NEVER MAKE ANOTHER RAP ALBUM AGAIN.. WHO CAN SAY? I WAS THINKING ABOUT ALL THESE THINGS TODAY AS I TRAVELLED OUT TO THE SUBURB OF MIRAMAR… ON A BUS. I GOT OFF THE BUS AND WALKED ALONG THE STREETS AND THOUGHT ABOUT ODB’S LEGACY AND TAKASHI MURAKAMI’S OEUVRE AND HOW FAMOUS I AM. I TURNED A CORNER… IT WAS DOPENESS. THERE WAS THE WETA CAVE… IT WAS NOT DOPENESS AS IT WAS A COLLECTION OF MINIATURES THAT ARE ALL BROWN AND GREY AND NOT PINK OR LIME GREEN OR RED. I HAVE ONE MESSAGE TO THE SUBURB OF MIRAMAR.. YOUR SAMENESS IS MY INSPIRATION.. AND I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG. I CAME BACK TO THE CITY AND TOOK A MOMENT TO GIVE THOUGHT TO AALIYAH, LISA LEFT-EYE AND SIR EDMUND HILLARY.. THREE ANGELS WHO WERE TAKEN BEFORE THEIR TIME. ALL THE MEDIA WHO SAY THINGS ABOUT THEM.. YOU ARE NOT IN MY THOUGHTS.. ONLY WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH I DO NOT LISTEN TO WHAT YOU SAY. FROM NOW ON I WILL BE KNOWN AS ROBYN O’WATKINS MIRAMAR2000… THIS IS NOT MY CHOICE. FIFTY DOLLARS BILLS NEVER GET PAID. GOLDEN.