There’s this big ass building thing called “Metropolis” being built in Auckland, the city where I reside. So Bayleys, the people in charge of Metropolis took out a full page ad in the 15 March Saturday edition of the New Zealand Herald saying how fabulous Metropolis is.

I read the ad and the first thing that occurred to me is what a wanky load of bollocks they were talking. Here is what pissed me off.

The ad first spouts about how the ancient Greeks built the Parthenon on a high place where it was a central part of cultured life and how great minds used to hang out there and do great things at the “hub of the civilised world”. Then it talks about Metropolis.

“Not surprisingly, when we sat around philosophising about the perfect site for New Zealand’s first five-star apartment hotel, we took a tablet or two from their book.

“For a start, our location also had to be in the very heart of the city. Ideally, it should be set amidst natural beauty, yet a stone’s throw from where all the action is.

“It should be a breath-taking focal point around which poets, artisans and luminaries would gather freely to debate the salient issues of the day. It should be accessible to great coffee (one area where we have it all over the ancient Greeks).”

That last paragraph, particularly, makes me almost violently ill because it is such a load of crap. So they really think the all these “poets, artisans and luminaries” are going to hang out in their little building and talk about the “salient issues of the day?”. And they’d be drinking their coffee, which is more than a sign of western civilisation, it’s a state of mind blah blah blah.

The ad also mentions that the site borders “stately Albert Park”. Stately? The last time I was in Albert Park it was full of people with tattoos, piercings, and lovely young men and women playing in the “stately” fountain. That’d raise property values…

I think the Metropolis ad is such a huge load of crap that it should be renamed “wanktropolis” to more accurately reflect what it really is.