Justice for Princess

In New Zealand law, it’s illegal for a person to have a name that is a royal or significant title. I believe this restriction came about after an unsavoury fellow changed his first name to “Sir”, but it now means that there are to be no kids with names like Sir, Bishop, Majesty or Constable.

The two most rejected names are Princess and Justice. The blocking of Princess is particularly annoying because are evidently no such restrictions in the United Kingdom, a land of actual princesses. Katie Price happily named her daughter Princess. Realistically, no one is ever going to mistake Princess Andre-Price for a legitimate royal, ruling over the duchy of Andre-Price.

And would a little boy named Justice Watkins be mistaken for a District Court judge? No, he wouldn’t, because people are smart and they can figure things out from context. The law assumes that everyone who wants to give their kid a title name is doing so to trick people. But if a woman can be named Queenie, why can’t her granddaughter be named Princess?

Footpaths H. Pupas and friends

One day I got a spam from someone called Footpaths H. Pupas. I thought that was rather hilarious so I filed it away and over the last year or so, I’ve collected such LOLtastic pieces of unintentional interweb comedy. I’ve gone through and picked out the finest, and I now present the list of my top 10 fake spam sender names.

Scheming Q. Kettledrum
Khyber R. Zing
Womanhood P. Marzipan
Invader G. Dentists
Bunghole F. Cognitive
Misogynist U. Postbox
Scrotum B. Appertains
Autograph B. Limb
Jovial F. Potpie
Titted H. Bodhidharma

But if that’s left you feeling dirty, may I recommend Sonic Youth’s “Sugar Kane” video. It’s from 1993, so it should feel uncomfortably, awfully, painfully out of date. However, it has Marc Jacobs, pre-fame Chloe Sevigny, New York City, and it mocks grunge fashion, which is four shades of awesome, so therefore the video is just as awesome.

Dhique and Jehyeign

Much merriment can be found over the the TradeMe community, where a discussion has been going about “unusal/cool names that youd name your kids”.

Highlights include:

Well these are my kid’s names – Shayd, Shaymin, Shaydin, Sheneen, Shevannah and Sheleeah…..guess they are unusal….

id this baby is a boy it will be dante chaos trent, i was thinking of going with ignatious and or socratease for a middle name but decided againsed it for the momennt

my mate called her boy ‘shickayne’

Two of my grandaughters – Nivea and Zhia

Daemyns middle name is Boy (family name on paternal side)

my son Kale which is Hebrew meaning strong after a friend of a friend (not because of the ornamental cabbage you grow!!!)

If I see a Shayenna or Bumbum in that matter, I will always think of a Bogun mum living in the Hutt Valley or probably in Palmerston North.

Remember, mums, there can be advantages to giving your child a common name. It’s much easier to google a Jehyeign than a Jane.

Whatever happened to LaShonda?

The Name Popularity page is horribly addictive. It gives you charts and rankings of the popularity of names over the last 100 years. Enter a name and it will tell you how popular Britney, Lawanda or Gladys were as names over the years.

It’s based on American statistics, so it is skewed to American culture, but English name trends seem to be fairly global. After a quick look, I discovered the following:

Emma started off in the 1900s with a reasonably popular position at #39, but decline started and by the ’70s Emma was languishing in 420th, but suddenly, unexpectedly, Emma became popular again and by the ’90s was back up in 71st place.

Mary dominated the stats, hogging the #1 spot from the 1900s to the 1950s. Possibly being edged out by all the Rainbows and Butterflys in the ’60s, Mary jumped down to #2, and continued falling in popularity until it ended up at #41 in the ’90s.

Ashley didn’t even register a blip on the name tracker in the early years, with there only being enough Ashleys to start earn a place on the charts until the 1960s. But once the Ashley juggernaut started, it didn’t stop, powering on until it became the #1 girls name in the 1990s.

Amber was moderately popular, hovering in the 900s for the first two decades, but suddenly dropped off the scale in the ’20s and ’30s. It slowly emerged in the 1950s, then shot back up, reaching 18th place in the ’90s.

Robin peaked in the 1950s, which just goes to prove my theory that I have a middle-aged woman’s name.

Update

The Name Popularity page is now offline, but the Baby Name Voyager will satisfy all your statistical name needs.

Clones

Lately whenever I go to Ponsonby (which isn’t all that often) I seem to come across thirty-something parents with small daughters called Ruby or Lily. What’s it going to be like at Ponsonby Primary School in a couple of years time? “Ruby T, stop hitting Lily B! No, the other Ruby T.”

I know names like that were popular baby names about a hundred years ago, so I’m sure these people are naming their kids after their grandmothers. I wish someone would have the guts to come out and name their baby Gran.

For about the last year I’ve been having major angst with the DVD player on my iBook. It lets me change the zone five times, then on the fifth time it locks. Ok, cool. But when I got up to the fifth change it kept giving me this weird error message. The Apple website was not helpful. Other websites were not helpful. Then last night I did another search and found the answer. To change the zone for the final time requires a DVD that has only one zone on it. The ones I’d been trying with were zones 2 and 4. So today I went to Video Ezy in Ponsonby (where Ruby was picking a DVD), got a DVD only for zone 4 and have changed my DVD player zone to zone 4 so now I can rent all the DVDs I like and never have to leave the house much this summer. Hooray!

Missus

For future reference, here is a list of surnames that have a disastrous comedy effect when paired with the name Robyn. If I were ever to marry a man with one of those surnames, I so would not take it as my own:

Robbins
Robinson
Roberts
Robertson
Dobbyn
Williams
Hood
Banks

Yeah, and that includes you, Dave Dobbyn.