Robyn, 31, Sagittarius

I was planning on another day in Palmy yesterday, but just after I wrote my last LJ entry, I logged into MSN and Regan Idolblog messaged me with the news that not only was he in Wellington, but he had tickets to the Sunday taping of the NZ Idol performance show. OMG OMG OMG.

So I hopped in my car and hooned down to Wellington, and – as if by magic – the rainy grey skies turned into brilliant blue skies and golden sunshine along the Kapiti Coast. When I arrived in the capital, I was reminded of how happy Wellington makes me. It’s just such a cool city.

I wandered around town for a bit before heading over to the St James. I have to admit that part of my decision to go to the Idol taping was because it was in the St James. I’d never been there before and I wanted to check it out. It is indeed a nice old theatre, although I’m not too sure about the barn-like new foyer that’s been build on next to the old theatre.

I haven’t had the opportunity to see any of the current Idol series and I don’t know who anyone is, but I did learn the following: there is this one guy called Ben and he is quite cute, but he is also a really good singer and if you say he isn’t you are just jealous.

There were many Ben fans sitting near me. They screamed a lot. My ears started to hurt. He’s probably a shoo-in for the top 10.

Then I drove back to my motel in Palmy, discovering along the way that since having Lasik, my night vision is quite shit and I probably shouldn’t drive at night.

Even though I wasn’t planning to go to Wellington, now that I’ve been there I think I’m going to have to go back and make that the last stop on my tour de North Island.

Nyu-Jirando Idoru Odishon

I went to the NZ Idol auditions today. I strolled in, bought a latte, sat down in a corner and just watched. After a while various people waiting had noticed me writing down stuff and were looking at me, like maybe I was someone affiliated with NZ Idol. I tried to look mysterious. I think I may have pulled it off.

I’ve written up my observations in the NZ Idol community.

Bored of the rings

So while the boys were engaged in a gay jelly wrestling match/furious debate over diamonds, diamond rings, starving millions and why it is technically impossible to win a debate against Thomas, I was out facing the weather.

It was hot and it was rainy. In weather like this my hair frizzes up. If I was auditioning for NZ Idol on a day like this, people would be saying “GO TEH FRO!!!!” where ever I went. I envy bald people on days like this.

I saw two LJers today, gfsoul, who I initially did not recognise because his head was not rotating and starlajo, who was in a mighty Starmart.

I went to Real Groovy and used my birthday music vouchers on two CDs, Iggy Pop’s “Skull Ring” and Peaches “Fatherfucker”. It was a slightly nerdy purchase because each artist does a guest appearance on the other’s album. I kept the theme running by also picking up a ticket to Peaches’ pre-Big Day Out show at the King’s Arse next week.

Real Groovy has a bargain basement now. It’s where all their crap goes. Bins and bins and bins of all the shit CDs that people trade in but no one wants to buy. Except you know that in the midst of all the crap there will actually be some really good CDs. It’s just a matter of finding them.

Finally, last night Draizuh was doing lots of those LJ surveys, you know, the ones where you get a bunch of questions that you have to answer that somehow reveal bits of your inner soul. He’d run out, so I suggested he make up one himself. But he said, “Its more something youd do than me. Your creative and im just some guy ;_;” So for poor little helipad-dwelling chef II the stars DRZA, and any other interested survery-taking parties, I have come up with…

21 Questions

  1. Oi! Where’s my $50?!
  2. Baby, does my gigantic bulbous arse look big in this?
  3. When a boy puts his, um, thing in you, what does that feel like?
  4. Who loves who the most?
  5. At the Jazz in the Park concert. Me: Wearing a ripped and faded Soundgarden t-shirt. You: Wearing a pink t-shirt with “Blow Job” in red glitter paint. You asked me where the portaloos were. I showed you. I felt a connection and I hope you felt it too. Do you wanna meet up for coffee?
  6. Where’s my other shoe?
  7. What extras come with the super-deluxe model?
  8. Was I your first?
  9. If I got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century, could I count on you to be there to support me mentally?
  10. Dude, how much do you bench?
  11. Excuse me, would you please pass me one of those refreshing moist towelettes
  12. Ah, my old friend! Come, sit down. Let me pour you a drink. Tell me, how long has it been?
  13. What is up?
  14. You can tell me. I won’t tell a soul: what happened in Colombia?
  15. Do you take this person to be your unlawfully wedded, yet beautiful, sensuous and elegant spouse?
  16. Where is the love?
  17. It’s been a month already. When are you going to come and pick up your stuff?
  18. Hi, I was just wondering if you taped last night’s episode. If so, can I borrow it off you, please?
  19. Beef or chicken?
  20. Which notorious blonde party girl was recently seen sneaking out of the service entrance of the hotel where the premiere was held, followed minutes later by the “happily” married leading man?
  21. Which one of you bytchyz is my mutha?

Boys on films

I like the revisionist history that says that Duran Duran’s songs were actually really meaningful. Like, “Girls On Film” was actually about the exploitation of models. Yes, ok.

Why don’t they just be honest and admit that the songs were just about stuff that sounded cool to sing. Like, what was the union of the snake? Yes.

I got excited when I saw the band on TV arriving at the airport. I’d love to see them and Mr Williams live, but I can’t afford it. Excuse me while I weep.

Oh, I’ve made a blog for NZ Idol! I realised I’m obsessed with it already, so instead of putting all my Idol crap in here, I’ve got a separate place for it. I’ve called it NZ Idle (ha ha!) and have cleverly photoshopped the NZ Idol logo. Hopefully it’ll be a refuge of wit in (what will soon become) a sea of illiterate hysteria.

Application

I’ve discovered I’m actually young enough to audition for NZ Idol. I’m a mere 28 days under the upper age limit, so theoretically I could show up and belt out a shitty version of “I was made for loving you baby” in front of (rumour, rumour) Dave Dobbyn.

Except it wouldn’t really be worth it. I wouldn’t be good enough to get through to the next group, and I wouldn’t be bad enough to get on to the so-bad-they’re-good rejectees show. It’d just be middlingly mediocre. Oh dear.

Then there’s the evil contract that would entitled the producer to do what they like with the recordings of Idol contestants “throughout the universe in perpetuity in all media whether now known or hereafter invented.” I know it’s just legal arse-covering, but I like how it actually would still be enforceable if Mars was colonised and some kind of Martian TV was set up.

And there’s also the clause that allows the producer to “dub my voice in any language”. I’m sorry, but I’m not willing to give that right up. I want to be able to sleep at night knowing that I haven’t been badly dubbed into Hungarian.

But I did take a look at the NZ Idol application form, and have decided to answer it anyway.

NZ Idol Application Form

Who are your idols?
Mother Theresa, Princess Diana, Madonna, Jesus Christ, Buddha, Krishna, Mohammad and Britney Spears.

How well can you sing?
Well enough to sing my way out of a mindfield in Cambodia, then sing my way through a bunch of machinegun-wielding ex-Khmer Rouge mercenaries in the frontier town of Pailin, and well enough that after having lost my passport I was able to sneak through swamps in the dead of night and swim to the relative comfort and safety of Vietnam. I also sang “I will always love you” at my cousin’s wedding, moving my aunt to tears.

Why should we pick you?
In 1963 in the small Andalusian village of Ayamonte, a young girl was helping her mother wash some clothes. Slipping on a wet stone, she fell and cut her hand. Her mother bound her wound in a nearby petticoat. After the bleeding had ceased, the mother set about washing the blood from the petticoat. To her amazement, only some of the blood washed away. No matter how hard she scrubbed, some of the blood remained, staining the petticoat. The mother hung the petticoat out to cry. Suddenly the girl cried out, “Mama! Es la madre santa!” (“Mama, it is the holy mother!”) Her mother looked up, and there she saw the blood had formed the likeness of the Virgin Mary. With this in mind, it should be clear now that me filling in this form is a mere formality.

Have you had any experience in the entertainment industry?
Featured player in “Barely Legal Babes 29” Please note: Despite vicious rumours to the contrary, I was actually over 18 when this was filmed. It’s just that there are some people, some haters, who can’t stand to see other people’s success in the entertainment industry and will start spreading rumours. Well, I just want to say that I am not going to dignify that with a response and that it’s just tall poppy syndrome and if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. References available on request.

What is your proudest achievement to date?
I really wish I could say that it was the time I sang a solo performance at my school concert, which my busy parents saw after learning a valuable life lesson about the importance of family, or I wish I could say it was the birth of my beautiful baby daughter Maddysohn, but instead I have to say that it was when I made a break through in my anger management support group and was able to make it to the end of a meeting without hitting anyone. I realised I’d grown as a human being when that happened.

Number the following in order of your ability
(start with 1 for best – down to 4 for worst)

Singing 730
Dancing 0.9999993
Songwriting/playing I would prefer to not rate myself on this aspect, thanks.
Acting 2

Describe yourself in ten words
Notorious criminal gangsta villain. Also very passionate about music. Passionate.

Anything else we should know?
I am very passionate about music!!!!!!!!! And instant noodles!!!! But mostly music. You can tell I am 4 real because I use the word passionate a lot! Therefore I really mean it, even though I have nothing to back it up!!!!! But I do have a certificate in instant noodles.