Write on

Driving to the gym this morning, I had to suddenly brake to avoid a sign that was blowing across the road. As I got closer, I saw that it was promoting three Citizens and Ratepayers candidates standing in my local ward.

Ah yes. It’s local election candidate sign defacement time.

I’m expecting the usual to happen: the right-wing candidates signs get defaced or ripped down, while the left-wing candidates’ signs usually escape unharmed. But, of course, it’s always worth wondering who exactly is doing the vandalism. Is it lefties wanting to prevent the right-wing candidates from promoting themselves? Or are some conservative supporters getting out there and defacing their own signs in order to make the lefties look like crazy vandals?

As far as the mayoral candidates go, I noticed the following:

John Banks – His sign originally said John Banks with for mayor.com under it. Someone had attempted to deface the Banks/for mayor.com area, but had picked grey spray paint that seemed to blend in with the blue and red of the poster. Then, perhaps written in frustration, FUCK had been sprayed under John. This bit was on a white background, so it was much clearer. But the end result was like an angry eight-year-old who couldn’t come up with any better insult than “John FUCK”.

Dick Hubbard – Oh, that’s right. He doesn’t have any billboards. No, instead his name and a cartoon likeness of his face takes up a few shelves in every supermarket in this city. But as far as defacing goes, I recently binned an empty box of Hubbard’s cereal.

Christine Fletcher – Who cares about Christine Fletcher for mayor? Does anyone? Just to show how insignificant as a candidate she is this time around, her sign was defaced not by some angry anti-Fletcherite, but by some tagger who’d just scribbled his name at the top of her sign.

Oh, it’s just so hard to pick who to vote for.


I’m normally interested in politics, but I read an article in the Herald about various members of the National party and was interested in two particular things.

1. The newly appointed deputy leader of the National party, Nick Smith, has taken some time off because he is “suffering from exhaustion”. When someone like an actor or a model is reported as suffering from it’s usually a sneaky way of saying they’ve been rock ‘n’ rolling all nighty, partying every day and have been using stimulants rather than sleep to ward off tiredness. Unless there’s something very sordid going on the behind the scenes of the National party, I suspect this may be the first time a person reported in the press as suffering from exhaustion has actually been suffering from exhaustion.

2. Deposed leader Boow Unglush, oh, I mean Bill English is quoted as saying, “I just want to use my experience, which in National is fairly unique.” See, that’s his problem – he has no confidence. Every good little grammar pedant knows that being unique is like being pregnant. You either are or you aren’t, there are no degrees in between. Mr English’s experience is either unique (i.e. no one else has that same experience) or it’s not unique (i.e. other people have that same experience). But he doesn’t seem to have the cojones to talk about himself in absolute terms. Oh, how I will miss his mangled vowels.


The grand finale of Big Brother was a little anti-climactical. I mean, Regina was a massive favourite right from the beginning. She was always the most popular housemate on the weekly online polls. The only thing resembling a shock eviction was yesterday when Daniel was evicted ahead of Chrissie. But Regina won, totally breaking the Australian BB trend where the most boring, nicest male wins.

Someone one asked me why I never write about politics. It’s basically because I don’t particularly care about politics. I don’t even know if I’m left wing or right wing. All I know is I’m not bloody centre and parties like United Future make me feel ill with their caring niceness.

But then I was thinking about the times when I am interested in politics and I realised that it’s when there’s an upcoming election. Then I thought about why politics is interesting then and I realised that it’s the same thrill that a reality show like Big Brother or American Idol gives. You’ve got a bunch of people who are competing for a highly sought after position. They have to win the public over with their skills, talents and basic personality. The public then gets to vote for who they want to win.

Watching the live results coming in on election night is as thrilling as watching the final of Big Brother or American Idol. But because the government of this country sees fit to only hold an election once every three years, my yearning for such televisual thrills is filled with reality shows.