Of shark eggs and dad-love

King's Arms toilet graffiti 2

The largest eggs in the world are laid by sharks.
The largest woman in the world is laid by your dad.

So, four years ago – and I mean exactly four years ago, September 29 2007 – I went to the King’s Arms to see Blam Blam Blam play. At one point I was in the ladies loos and saw this amusing graffiti in a cubical. I took a photo of it, uploaded it to Flickr, and didn’t give it much thought.

But it turns out it’s taken on a little bit of a life of its own. It’s become a minor internet meme, starting on toilet graffiti lolz websites and moving into the realm of general internet lolz. One blogger even uses the text as a tagline on his webiste.

But it tickles me that while the joke seems to be mainly enjoyed by dudes, the Shark graffitier, Dad graffitier and photographer were all ladies.

Page 123, prescription drug abuse

The Page 123 meme was flying around LiveJournal tonight and I was tagged twice. Demands were made that I ought to…

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 people.

I was at work when I first read it and tried to have a go during my break. The nearest book to me was the Concise Oxford Dictionary, but while page 123 offered much in the way of words, it didn’t really do sentences.

I wandered off to find the next suitable book that came my way. Time Atlas, no. Maori dictionary, no. Trinny and Susannah’s “What You Wear Can Change Your Life”, er, OK. Except page 123 of that was a picture of the pair wearing nice clothes.

So at home I tried again. The nearest book was “We Could Have Been The Wombles: The Weird and Wonderful World of One Hit Wonders”. It sounds like, right, it could be a goldmine of choice sentences. Except page 123 offered up these three sentences:

Bud. Wise. Er.

This is an absolute shemozzle.

Instead I will muse upon the news that Robbie Williams has checked himself into rehab for addiction to prescription medicine.

Now, I’m not a Robbie fan in the traditional sense, but I bought his last album, Rudebox (and it’s really good, in a born-in-1974 kind of way).

One of songs is called Good Doctor, and it’s a cheerful, yet slightly dark, celebration of abusing prescription medicine. The song ends with this spoken bit:

Know what, doc? It’s not like I’ve been doing any research or anything, but if you could give me any of the following pills, I’d be very very grateful cos I feel poorly. So that’s codeine, morphine, opium, methadone, meperidine, hydro- and oxycodone, buprenorphine, butorphanol, Adderall, Doral. But not St John’s wort, cos I can get that at Boots.

See, Dr House is addicted to Vicodin, but he has a gammy leg and is a fictional character. Now, I’m not a doctor, but having just looked up all those drugs on Wikipedia, I can officially state that if you are a real person and write a song about desiring a shitload of powerful opiates, then rehab is probably a good choice.

Ten things

I don’t normally do those so-called meme things, she said, but this one’s all right cos it’s not about ticking boxes but coming up with real things. It’s the “10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself” one.

  1. In late 2000/early 2001, I was the co-host of the Computer Chat show on Radio Pacific. I didn’t mean to. It was an accident, I swear. I haven’t mentioned much it because I used to be horribly embarrassed by it.
  2. I was saddened to discover that my favourite orphan from the “Annie” movie has grown up to be a fat housewife in real life.
  3. I have grade eight in choral speaking from the Trinity College in London. You’ll have to take my word for it – there was only one certificate and a dozen of us in the group.
  4. I have seen all the James Bond movies. However, as it was done as part of a completionist splurge, I only Bonded with about half of them.
  5. I can recite the name of all secretaries-general of the United Nations in chronological order. I cannot, however, guarantee that I’ll pronounce their names properly.
  6. I can write backwards, and upside down. I’d demonstrate, but it doesn’t work with a keyboard.
  7. When I was at tech, a visual arts tutor wanted me to switch from the communication stream into the visual arts stream cos I had the skillz.
  8. When I was 5, I entered a colouring competition in the Waikato Times and won tickets to see the Village People’s motion picture debut “Can’t Stop The Music”. It remains one of my favourite films, even though it is nine different shades of awful.
  9. I never learned to ride a bike. I had no motivation – everything was either within walking distance or too far to bike.
  10. Even though I’m a gangsta, sometimes I like to sit down and do cross-stitch kittens designs.

Let me stick this 7-inch in the computer

Harvestbird tagged me to do one of those list things. Homie don’t usually play that, but this one was fun, and if it helps just one person give up drugs, well, then it will have all been worth it.

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your livejournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin
I had an intense craving for this and have been heartily obsessing over it. It represents everything that’s good about America, and makes me want to be in Manhattan.

2. You’re Gonna Lose Us by the Cribs
The Cribs are my new favourite band. This is one has a brilliant shoutalong chorus (“When I’m drunk I can be an arsehole, but that don’t mean I’ve got no class, no.”), that’s just right for boozing with your mates and/or the Jarman brothers.

3. Stars Are Blind by P**** H*****
I don’t care how much of this song belongs to the talent of its singer or not. It’s lovely and sunny and cheerful (though not without its dark moments), and frankly, we could all use a little sunshine right now.

4. Batdance by Prince
Unlike most of Prince’s hit songs, this one gets little radio play, probably because it’s kind of unusual and kind of needed the hype of 1989’s Batman film to prop it up in the mainstream. But it’s a corker nonetheless.

5. Grind Your Bones by Svelte
Svelte is a couple of guys who used to be in Supergroove and the cousin of that guy from Blindspott who used to go out with Nicky Watson. With that pedigree, you’d expect Svelte to be shit, but this one’s dirty and bluesy.

6. Slave To The Rhythm [Hot Blooded Version] by Grace Jones
It’s an 8.18 minute remix of Slave To The Rhythm, one of my favourite songs of all time. The extra times comes from the first half being instrumental which means, yes, it’s karaoke time. Slaaaaaaave!

7. Mary Jane’s Last Dance by Tom Petty
I revisited this in the wake of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ controversy. The song is apparently about Mr Petty giving up the marijuana drugs, but the video had Kim Basinger necrolove. Like Mr Petty says, oh my my, oh hell yes.

In lieu of tagging others, just, like, do it if you want, man.