25 things

It’s that “25 things about me” list. Back in the olden days, the days of LiveJournal, these used to go around all the time and I’d never do them. But now it’s on Facebook, which is social media and cool, etc, so I’ll do it too.

Incidentally, this has taken me over six hours to write.

1. I can write backwards almost as well as I can forwards. I taught myself how to do it when I was 20, after seeing “The Last Seduction” and being impressed that the main character could do it (among other things).

2. Auckland suburbs I lived in, in chronological order: Parnell, Grey Lynn, Mt Eden, Newton, Mt Eden, St Mary’s Bay, before finally settling (ha!) in Mt Eden. All are within 5km of the city centre. I like to be within walking distance of the city and not reliant on a car.

3. My mother’s mother’s side of the family was dead posh Devonport stock, but my morphine addict great-grandpappy ended up drinking away the family fortune.

4. The first boy I had a crush on was Adam Ant, circa “Goody Two Shoes“. Sadly it didn’t work out – I was 8, he was 20 years older than me, lived in England and didn’t know I existed. I grew up disappointed at most men’s refusal to wear eyeliner.

5. I don’t like beaches. This probably makes me a bad New Zealander. It’s mainly the sand, but also the wind. Sand is, as a wise man once said, just dirt with better PR.

6. I grew up in a rural area on a “lifestyle” section. I don’t know what kind of lifestyle it was supposed to be – all I remember was feeling oppressed by its emptiness, and having an eternal longing to live in a city. I didn’t want a pony; I wanted concrete and public transport and people.

7. I’ve always like the culture of writing and photography around surfer and skater culture, even though I’m a complete outsider to surfing and skating. Dude.

8. I’ve never really had a nickname, possibly because Robyn is itself a diminutive of Robert (ugh!). But someone once called me Bob Marley, which was funny in a not-actually-funny kind of way.

9. If I travel overseas, I want to explore. I could never be satisfied relaxing by a hotel pool.

10. I received news of the 9/11 attacks on 11 September as I was in Melbourne. I was in bed, reading David Sedaris’s book “Me Talk Pretty One Day”, and was actually more interested in reading that than hearing about, woteva, some guy who’d flown a plane into a building.

11. I am a published poet, though under a pseudonym. I have also performed poetry in Newcastle, Australia, and spoken word in Melbourne. I am evidently depriving New Zealand audiences of my talent.

12. I really like living in Wellington. It feels like I am actively living here, rather than it just being where I happen to reside. I should also note that my 11 years in Auckland were splendid, but in a different way.

13. I’m a bit superstitious, which annoys me.

14. Best present – the Walkman I got for my 11th birthday. Suddenly music became more complex, lyrics clearer and so much more enjoyable. I eventually moved on to a CD Walkman, then an iPod. It’s portable pleasure.

15. The first building that thrilled me was the Beehive. On a family holiday in Paraparaumu in 1983, we got the train to Wellington. Straight out of the train station, I looked up and saw the Beehive and I got chills – moderne classical brutalist chills.

16. I left Hamilton in 1997 after I realised I just didn’t want to live there any longer. The last straw was when I was walking home along Clyde Street and someone in a car threw the slushy remains of a McDonald’s Coke at me. That did it.

17. I have Trinity College London’s level eight certificate in choral speaking. This consisted of performing an abridged version of Janet Frame’s short story “The Reservoir” (without the bit about condoms) and Keith Thorsen’s poem “Chit Chat“… for what good it did me.

18. I once lived on Karangahape Road. One night when I was walking home, a crusty old drunk asked me if I’d have sex with him for money. I got a bit depressed, thinking “Is that really the kind of clientele I’d attract if I were a ho?” Cos, you know, I’d always envisioned myself as one of those high-class prostitute types.

19. I’ve been thanked in the acknowledgements for a book that won a Montana Book Award, after lending the author my MC OJ and the Rhythm Slave CD. Though the book I was thanked in wasn’t the book I helped with, because the author forgot.

20. When I was in Paris, I chose to visit Disneyland over Notre Dame. I threw a euro coin into Skull Rock Cove and wished for a messy, complicated love.

21. Growing up in Hamilton in the ’80s, my two favourite weekend outings were visiting the Building Centre – especially for the fountain of taps, the insulation demonstration and the Fanta machine – and going to the liquor store with Dad. Again, I stress “Hamilton” and “’80s”.

22. Someone once described me as screwball. Initially I resisted the label, but then I realised I wouldn’t be resisting it if it wasn’t true.

23. I’ve only wanted to be married at one point in my life: in 1998 I decided it would be good to be married so if a fellow hit on me, I could get all outraged and say, “Excuse me, but I am a happily married woman!” Otherwise, (conventional) marriage doesn’t appeal because it would involve me being a wife.

24. I’ve been to one polytech and two universities, but I never got around to completing any degrees. I have, however, had some of my writing used as course reading for a first-year English paper at the University of Auckland. I’m going to hold out for an honorary degree.

25. I’m a great believer in self-mythology and the ability to alter the past, present or future simply by writing down how you remember your story.

Bored of the rings

So while the boys were engaged in a gay jelly wrestling match/furious debate over diamonds, diamond rings, starving millions and why it is technically impossible to win a debate against Thomas, I was out facing the weather.

It was hot and it was rainy. In weather like this my hair frizzes up. If I was auditioning for NZ Idol on a day like this, people would be saying “GO TEH FRO!!!!” where ever I went. I envy bald people on days like this.

I saw two LJers today, gfsoul, who I initially did not recognise because his head was not rotating and starlajo, who was in a mighty Starmart.

I went to Real Groovy and used my birthday music vouchers on two CDs, Iggy Pop’s “Skull Ring” and Peaches “Fatherfucker”. It was a slightly nerdy purchase because each artist does a guest appearance on the other’s album. I kept the theme running by also picking up a ticket to Peaches’ pre-Big Day Out show at the King’s Arse next week.

Real Groovy has a bargain basement now. It’s where all their crap goes. Bins and bins and bins of all the shit CDs that people trade in but no one wants to buy. Except you know that in the midst of all the crap there will actually be some really good CDs. It’s just a matter of finding them.

Finally, last night Draizuh was doing lots of those LJ surveys, you know, the ones where you get a bunch of questions that you have to answer that somehow reveal bits of your inner soul. He’d run out, so I suggested he make up one himself. But he said, “Its more something youd do than me. Your creative and im just some guy ;_;” So for poor little helipad-dwelling chef II the stars DRZA, and any other interested survery-taking parties, I have come up with…

21 Questions

  1. Oi! Where’s my $50?!
  2. Baby, does my gigantic bulbous arse look big in this?
  3. When a boy puts his, um, thing in you, what does that feel like?
  4. Who loves who the most?
  5. At the Jazz in the Park concert. Me: Wearing a ripped and faded Soundgarden t-shirt. You: Wearing a pink t-shirt with “Blow Job” in red glitter paint. You asked me where the portaloos were. I showed you. I felt a connection and I hope you felt it too. Do you wanna meet up for coffee?
  6. Where’s my other shoe?
  7. What extras come with the super-deluxe model?
  8. Was I your first?
  9. If I got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century, could I count on you to be there to support me mentally?
  10. Dude, how much do you bench?
  11. Excuse me, would you please pass me one of those refreshing moist towelettes
  12. Ah, my old friend! Come, sit down. Let me pour you a drink. Tell me, how long has it been?
  13. What is up?
  14. You can tell me. I won’t tell a soul: what happened in Colombia?
  15. Do you take this person to be your unlawfully wedded, yet beautiful, sensuous and elegant spouse?
  16. Where is the love?
  17. It’s been a month already. When are you going to come and pick up your stuff?
  18. Hi, I was just wondering if you taped last night’s episode. If so, can I borrow it off you, please?
  19. Beef or chicken?
  20. Which notorious blonde party girl was recently seen sneaking out of the service entrance of the hotel where the premiere was held, followed minutes later by the “happily” married leading man?
  21. Which one of you bytchyz is my mutha?