Notorious M.A.L.L.

I was waiting in line at an ATM at St Lukes and noticed that the fellow standing nearby playing with his cellphone was none other than Savage from Deceptikonz. As tempted as I was to break into the chorus of “Stop, Drop and Roll,” instead I stayed incognito.

After I’d finished with the ATM, I was hobbling along in my blister inducing shoes (I’m breaking them in, very slowly, very painfully) and I noticed I was catching up to Savage. He was walking really slowly, like he had sore feet too. Maybe the burden of fame is crushing down upon his being.

It’s said that television makes people look fatter than they are in real life, but he looked fatter than he does on TV (That’s ok ’cause he’s doing all he can just to lose some weight, trying to feel healthy and get in shape.) But, not surprisingly, he looked a lot shorter. He also proved one of the “What Not To Wear” pieces of advice: if you’re short, wearing long shorts just make them look like short trousers, which tricks the eye into thinking that your legs are shorter than they really are. He also had some white cloth tied around his head.

We were both headed up the escalator and as he got up to the second level, a group of teenage boys were sitting on some seats in front of the escalators. They all saw Savage, recognised him and their eyes bulged and jaws dropped. They had a quick conversation that seemed to be like “Is that him? OMG, it’s him! Let’s follow him!” and, keeping a safe distance, they followed him down to the other end of the mall.

See, I’ve always maintained that hanging out at the mall is really hardcore, and this just proves it.


I was at St Lukes today and I saw a guy who’s in a band. A band that’s doing rather well for itself and was even given a full page profile in the last year’s rock issue of The Face. And there he was at this really un-rock mall. Yet he looked undeniably like a rock star. It was like he had this bubble of coolness surrounding him. I, however, felt like a daggy housewife. I was on a mission to get some of that shampoo that doesn’t encourage my hair to frizz up.

Today at the Mind Control Cult (MCC), the Charismatic Cult Leader (CCL) said that people who are all like “oh, I have found enlightenment and inner peace” are deluding themselves and that they are denying all the inevitable shit feelings. You need to come down to earth and feel the dirt between your toes. Ok, that’s a big paraphrase, but it’s all about the meaning, maaan.

It was announced today that M2 will be stopped the weekend after next. Oh, I will miss the late night music video delights. Particularly all the cool homemade videos on Number 8. I have a feeling that it’s going to be replaced with a different type of music video show. This is a good thing because there were parts of M2 that weren’t working. The top 12 was always dominated by the same songs every week, month after month, and it just got boring. DJ Sammy fans also need to feel loved and wanted, unfortunately.

Five things.

Stuff that happened today.

1. Whenever I go to St Lukes people apologise to me. I don’t seem to get this reaction at any other mall. Fo’ example, today I was walking along a corridor. I needed to turn right down another corridor that lead to the toilets. A woman was coming along that corridor and we ended up reaching the corner at the same time. We both paused and she said “oh, sorry.” What was she apologising for? I was in her way as much as she was in my way. I’ve also noticed a few times at St Lukes I’ve been in a crowded store and have kind of bumped into someone and they’ve said sorry. It always seems to be women, and I’m getting sick of it. Stop apologising!

2. Waiting at the lights on Dominion Road I saw the most spectacular sight. A woman, probably in her late 30s, was walking along the road. She was wearing a pair of baggy, MC Hammer-style pants. The fabric was a red and white pattern and was quite a thin fabric. I know this because I could see her underwear. Oh, how I could see her underwear. She had a pair of black bikini briefs on. They were so clear through her trousers that it was almost as if she was only wearing her underwear. Was it deliberate? Was she going for a “I don’t give a damn about fashion” thing, or did she just not look in the mirror before she left the house?

3. I was driving up One Tree Hill and there were cows all over the road. It was quite exciting driving through the cows. It reminded me of living in the country, when there was that day when all the farmers used to herd their cows down to the saleyards. (I hated living in the country. Like, do you know how inherently uncool cow poo is?). As I slowly drove through the cows one of them jumped up and started humping another – right next to my car. Wow, a hot bovine lesbo a go-go show.

4. I was going to get a latte from Starbucks at St Lukes. I waited in line one person made coffee, another made frappuccinos and another served at the tills. The serving girl was really, really slow. The following took place:

Serving Girl (at microwave): Um, excuse me, do you want this heated?
Customer: What?
Serving Girl (moves closer): Do you want this heated?
Customer: What is it?
Serving Girl (goes to cash register to see the name of the pastry): Um, the cinnamon roll. Do you want me to heat it?
Customer: Um…?
Serving Girl: I think they taste really nice when they are heated.
Customer: Uh, how hot?
Serving Girl: It makes it nice and warm.
Customer: Um, well, as long as it’s not too hot. I don’t want the icing dripping.
Serving Girl: Ok, right. I’ll heat it up for you.

She then went through a similar painful conversation about some minor detail of some other item ordered. I couldn’t stand being witness to such mundanity so I went downstairs and got a latte from the Take 5 coffee stand. I was served quickly and there was no arsing about with the customer ahead of me. By the time I’d put my change in my wallet, my coffee was ready. This may possibly be part one of an occasional series of visiting the nearest alternative to Starbucks (i.e., if, like my neighbour’s homemade bumper sticker says, friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks, where do you go for coffee?)

5. I don’t get why “Lose Yourself” by Eminem is so popular. I’ve always thought it was really mundane, but then, I’ve never really been big on those “go for it, don’t give up, hold on to your dreams” kind of songs. “Lose Yourself” seems like a combination of that kind of song and a promo from “8 Mile”. But so many people I know like it – I mean, really like it. It seems that even though the lyrics are pretty specific, people manage to put themself in the song and come out of it feeling elevated, uplifted and inspired. Well, that’s not a bad thing.