Rock rock rock

Hey, you know how when people write about their dreams in their LiveJournal it’s really boring because essentially it’s just fiction? Yeah, shut up. I had two dreams last night featuring musicians, the boys from Nesian Mystik and Alex James, the bass player from Blur.

In the Nesian Mystik dream I was driving down the road I park my car on, looking for a parking space. I saw a big van filled with guys and parked near them and asked if they were going to be moving soon. I noticed it was Nesian Mystik in the van. They said they would be moving right then. I asked if I could have their parking space. They said it was actually going to be used by someone else. I thanked them and parked my car in the space right in front of them, then went back and told them how much I loved their album. For the record, I have not heard Nesian Mystik’s album.

The Alex James dream was… well, it was exactly the right kind of dream that should be dreamed about Alex James.

The WBC possibly have a new logo. I think it may actually be a prototype, open to refinements. The new logo has: roses, dice, flames, tattoo-style wavy lines, stars, a microphone and the band’s name. Are there enough elements in the logo, or is there room for more? I think a Coop-style devilwoman should be resting her arse on the top of the W.

<stuuu> omg the dice are on fire. thats new
<stuuu> the dice werenty on fire in teh prototypes

I went to the King’s Arse to see the Shrugs play. I got there just as they were playing the final notes in the last song of their set. Dammit. But I was able to pick up the special CD commemorating the evening that included a new track from the Shrugs. Oh, but then when I got it home and tried to play it I discovered that the CD was blank. I took it back and politely yelled at the munter on the door and made him give me a new one. I did stick around to see a bit of the next band, The Feds, but they were very boring so I left.

The rest of my day has been somewhat unrockin’.


The WBC were playing at the Civic’s Wintergarden (I mention the Civic part so no one mistakenly thinks that the w00da were providing the soundtrack to a bunch of cruisy gay sex, a la the Wintergarden at the Domain). It was part of the AK03 festival thing. I think at this stage it’s best to just call it a festival thing, cos it’s going to take a few more goes before it can develop into a fully fledged festival.

The Wintergarden was beautiful, as always. In one corner there were some little dividers that made a kind of harem area. Through the gauze curtains were some low tables and cushions. All that was missing was a selection of pita bread and dips.

I noticed a number of little stands around the place with a New Zealand and Canadian flag stuck into them. Then I noticed a sign proclaiming “Canadian Consulate Trade Office”. Yeah, the Canadians went on a group outing to see the WBC. How aboot that, eh?

I find being in the Wintergarden really frustrating because I can’t quite reconcile the current Wintergarden with my memory of the old Wintergarden movie theatre that used to be there. I know that the ceiling of the Wintergarden movie theatre kind of stuck up into the front of the Civic stage. But… oh, it just doesn’t make sense. On the open day, when the Civic was first refurbished, I asked one of the old people guides about it, but he just got confused and started talking about the paintwork. Maybe there’s some sort of Tardis effect happening?

Oh yes, the WBC were cool. “I can’t dance,” one drunken lady was heard yelling at her mates. “I’m almost 30!” But they dragged her on the dancefloor and she danced anyway. Such is the magical power of the WBC. And it was cool to see a cheer of recognition go through the crowd when “Ease Ya Mind” was played.

There was a bunch of crap going on outside the Civic. Part of Queen Street had been closed off. At one end was a cheap carnival ride, at the other end was a stage where a DJ was playing some technological dance music. A small group of people were standing near the stage jiggling about, while a larger group just stood around watching. There were a number of stands from the Aotea markets selling stuff like fudge and lanterns.

Then, suddenly, it started raining, and thunder and lightning came visiting.

Unhealthy Activities

I’m feeling a bit sick. I think I’ve got a bad cold. I feel all achy, I have a runny nose, and just generally feel ill.

My mother would advise me to do what her mother advised her. Take a hot bath up to your neck, have a lemon-honey drink (the juice of a lemon, a spoonful of honey topped with hot water), then hop into bed and get a good night’s sleep.

But this is what I did.

First the pillz. I went to a chemist and got some of those day/night cold/flu pillz. The ones with pseudoephedrine hydrochloride in them. This was my first purchase of this type of medication since the P epidemic (or whatever it is) hit the media, so I had to fill out a form giving my name and address and show my driver’s license.

Next I went to the supermarket and got some of those vitamin pillz with stuff like vitamin C, garlic, echanacia and zinc, which is supposed to help with colds. I also got chicken soup.

Then I saw a movie. This is not usually part of my traditional cold/flu remedy, but I was in the neighbourhood, so why not. I saw “Auto Focus” which is the story of Bob Crane, who is probably best known for playing Hogan in “Hogan’s Heroes”. He hooked up with a guy called John Carpenter who was a video enthusiast, back in the day with reel-to-reel video tape recorders were new. Crane developed a taste for naked ladies, especially photographing and videoing them. After his TV series ended he found it was difficult getting work because his seedy private life and family-orientated public image were clashing. Then someone killed him (this is not a spoiler). It was an interesting story, tragic, but also unexpectedly moral.

I was going to spend a quiet night on the couch, but after seeing the item on “Sunday” about the Incredible Film Festival and the censorship wrangles, I decided to see “Ken Park”. It’s banned in Australia, you know.

“Ken Park” is about five teenagers. At first their lives and their parents seem a little twisted, but then things get really, really twisted. There was heaps of nervous laughter from the audience. And people laughed at things like a pregnant woman smoking, or some guys drink driving. Yes, check my generation out. We pity the poor white trash people who don’t know any better.

This next section discusses cinematic masturbation in graphic detail. Reader discretion is advised.

There’s one magnificent scene where one of the characters masturbates while listening to Anna Kournikova (I think) grunting as she plays a tennis match on TV. It’s not a typical Hollywood masturbation scene where a hand moves under some sheets. This one is (I think) real. There it is. A guy sitting on his bedroom floor rubbing his erect penis. There were close-ups which caused the guy sitting next to be to let out a cry of disgust and turn his head in my direction (which I suppose I could take as a compliment) every time. Then the masturbator ejaculated which was shown and caused even more of an audience reaction. Then, in a truly magnificent shot, there was the wilting penis with a great big gooey glob of semen dangling from it.

I didn’t find it disgusting or funny. I thought it was beautiful in its own way. I’m not sure why. I mean, it’s not like I’m often exposed to such things in either real life or in porn. Like, generally speaking I’m more interested in things like who was going to win American Idol than male masturbation. I guess from a biological viewpoint, if women are grossed out and disgusted by penises and semen, well, the human race is doomed. Hey, maybe most of the grossing out was from guys?

The WBC were playing at the King’s Arms with 4 Man Bob. I was too late for 4 Man Bob, but I managed to see about two thirds of the w00da’s set. st00 had borrowed a guitar from 4 Man Bob – it was one of those rockstar shaped ones – and his big arse solo during “Unhealthy Activity” was so delicious. God bless ’em.

So that’s been about a day’s worth of unhealthy activities that certainly haven’t left me feeling any less sick. I think a warm bed and a good night’s sleep might be in order now.

Chur bro

I went to the opening night extravaganza of the Beck’s Incredible Film Fest. The costume theme was ’80s, and there were some really excellent costumes. The fake pearls, big hair, ripped lace Madonna look was popular for the ladies, and a lot of fellows went for the spiky hair and sweatband look. There was a woman wearing a green leather skirt and jacket – complete with big, big shoulder pads and another woman was clad in hot pink Lycra workout gear. One couple were dressed as Young Republicans, and wielded a sign supporting the Reagan-Bush ticket.

Before the opening night movie the BIFF crew performed a skit. “Nikki”, the porn star who had planned to give birth on camera, was going to give birth to a second baby live tonight. She was joined by the dodgy director (who looked suspiciously like fest organiser Ant Timpson), a fellow porn star playing the doctor (gay, classically trained in Hamilton’s live theatre scene), and a dirty old camera man who was more than ready for his close up. At one stage Ron Jeremy came out and jizzed all over the stage, which was disgusting and yet delightful. Ok, so Nikki’s in labour and as an experiment the baby is subjected to selected highlights of the last ten years of the film fest. After that harrowing experience the baby pops out and – OMG – Nikki’s given birth to David Wain, the director of “Wet Hot American Summer”!

Mr Wain spoke about how he’d been entice over to New Zealand to come to the fest, but he didn’t realise he’d have to enter a vagina when he got here. Then Mr Timpson gave a brief introduction and everyone applauded because, let’s face it, ten years of a film festival like this is well worth applauding.

“Wet Hot American Summer” was introduced by a special filmed bit where Paul Rudd, Janeane Garofalo and [another guy who was in the film] talked about the film. Rudd said he liked Crowded House, and that he thought Hunters and Collectors were from here too (Wrong! But Nick Seymour was in Crowded House, and his brother Mark was in H&C, so that’s close enough.) Ms Garofalo said that people kept recommending she move to New Zealand because it’s so nice and liberal here [and half the audience thinks “Yes! Come here, oh cool one!”). I can’t remember what [the other guy who was in the film] said.

Ok, the film itself was really funny. It’s a really naughty parody of all those American summer camp movies of the late ’70s, early ’80s. All the cliches are dragged out and perverted. And Paul Rudd wears short shorts. It really enjoyed it and I felt sorry for all the people who’d chugged down the free beer and had to keep leaving to go wees.

Famous person sighting: Marc Ellis. Woo!

After all that coolness I went to the Dog Bollix to see the WBC play. They are going to be playing on Space next Friday (10.30 pm, TV2), so you should watch that. Also, their new EP “Ease Your Mind” is coming out in about three weeks, so buy that because it is full of good songs.

But anyway. The w00da were good. The Bollix has such a tiny dance floor that it always seems awkward dancing, so I sat on a stool. I was right by a speaker and was hit by some great wall-of-sound moments. Their two new songs sounded much better this time around.

Famous person sighting: MC OJ – and he was all dressed up like a gangsta.

Message to r00die

When I was 11 and in form one, I had this huge – huuuuge – crush on a boy in form two. Once he brushed past me, his woollen school jumper briefly touched mine. It was an utterly thrilling moment. I vowed that I would never wash my jumper ever again. Another time he accidentally showed up in my classroom for a meeting that was in another classroom with another teacher. When my teacher pointed out he was in the wrong place, he said “same difference”. I thought this was so cool and started using that phrase as often as I could. Then there was the time at the school social when he asked my friend to dance (she was in his class), and me and two other girls ended up joining her. As he looked around to see the three girls dancing with him, he said “something’s wrong”, oh, but as far as I was concerned everything was right.

Tonight at the (legendary) King’s Arse I was standing around, waiting for the WBC to set up. I glanced over at the bar and I saw him. Him, the boy I had had a crush on. Only now he was a 29/30-year-old man and he didn’t set my heart on fire any more. It was strange looking at him. He didn’t have the mullet any more, and there were a few wrinkles, but he still reminded me of how he was when he was 12.

I considered going up to him, but I realised that all I would have had to say would have been something like “Hi, you probably don’t remember me, but I went to the same intermediate school as you. And, um, I thought you were really cute. But I don’t any more. In fact, you’re really very ordinary looking. Ok, bye.”

So I just enjoyed the WBC playing. The new, improved stage is excellent. The sound is so much better, it’s clear and loud. Every instrument rang out loud and true. The WBC have even got the encore thing worked out now, and even did a second encore with the beloved “A Message To You Rudy”. During that song my former-crush emerged from the garden bar with a handle of beer in his hand and danced along.

Seventeen years later I can only wonder what on Earth I was thinking.


Oh yes, so I’ve written a review of the Ska-B-Q which can be found at NZMusic.

This is what a Ska-B-Q looks like.

A live action shot of the kick-arse finale, where various other musicians from the other bands came on stage to join The WBC in a scorching cover of The Special’s “A Message To You Rudy”.


Ok, see along the bottom on the left there’s a guy with a black thing with a white line on his head? Ok, look above that and you’ll see me. Blonde hair, dark blue t-shirt. And I’m waving my hands in the air and waving them like I just don’t care.

w00da l0ve

Apparently it’s not actually about love, it’s just a cynical marketing ploy. Perhaps I’m immune to cynical marketing ploys, but the only thing I’ve bought (so far) today is coffee, a sandwich, a drink and a milkshake. Oh, and I bought a bus ticket. That must be it! Yes, those damn marketing people have manipulated me into patronising public transport on Valentines Day. I feel so used.

The mind control cult was good today. I’m trying to figure out how to describe the day’s activities without making it actually sound like a freaky mind control cult. I’m not sure if I can be done. But it was fun and revealed much.

I was joking with a friend of mine who’s also doing the course. He said that we might be being brainwashed into thinking that having a shitty job is ok. “I no longer desire a fulfilling career in the arts. I instead am happy to be a checkout operator.”

Last night I saw The WBC play (again) at Papa Jacks. It was really hot – I got all sweaty just standing around. It was one of those shows where the audience doesn’t really warm up until near the end, and then they were begging for more. I took a bunch of photos, so they’ll eventually end up somewhere on the interweb once I’ve got them off my camera.

There’s an anti-war march tomorrow (as there are all over the world). The flier I have says that it starts in QE2 Square. I’m not sure what that’s going to consist of considering that, uh, QE2 Square is currently fenced off under construction. Maybe the masses will gather outside the nearby Starbucks?

Best w00da show ever

I skanked so hard. I was sweating, there were people around me throwing water, it was a magnificently awesome night.

Then at the end of the WBC’s set, they dragged a bunch of the horn players from other bands on stage and conducted a skankolicious version of The Specials’ “A Message To You Rudy”, and everyone jumped along and yelled and it was good.

Full proper review to come when I’ve had some sleep and are capable of coherent thought.